It's 2014, but for the most part American comics are still drawn with a straight, male reader in mind. So it's surprising to find how many male heroes & villains just can't keep their clothes on. There's hope for the comics industry yet!
ROBIN - He may kick ass, but Robin gets a lot of flak for being
Batman's "pantless boy whore." It always struck me as odd that 80%
of the time Robin wore the version of his outfit that didn't
include leggings. I read once that Batman wore a
yellow version of the, I guess "bat logo" on his chest as a taunt to criminals.
Maybe that's what Robin had in mind...
I can almost kinda get around the whole amber alert thing of dressing a
preteen boy in naught but his underpants & a cape, but he wore that well
into adulthood. One could argue this outfit is
why he violently split from Batman to become Night Wing.
DARKSEID - Evil, would-be universe erasing tyrant, who inexplicably
is rarely seen with pants on. In fact, what he does wear consists of
a belted dress and knee high boots.
I guess he was hoping to rewrite the the universe into one where no one
would laugh at him.
AMAZO - You might recognize that name from the Justice
League/Unlimited cartoon. In said cartoon he was a lot more android
looking and silver plated. The comic book version of him however,
is a lot more humanoid. Engineered by Prof. Ivo and endowed with
Mega Man's ability to copy/steal the powers of others. He made him all
powerful but dressed him in what amounts to nothing more than a
tube dress pulled down too far and socks.
I can't imagine a scenario in which one would ever need that kind of outfit.
Well? maybe one...
HULK / BRUCE BANNER - Ok he has the excuse of becoming very angry
and very huge at the drop of a hat. But at the same time, he's a scientist.
You'd think he would have found or invented a fabric that can stretch
with him a bit. Even Reed (Mr. Fantastic) from Fantastic 4 could have helped
him out with that. His ripped, purple pants budget must be through the roof.
SWIMSUIT ISSUE (multiple) - These characters are not usually underdressed,
but they need to be here. Back in the day when no one batted an eyelash at
absurd, cringeworthy plots in comics (I used all the sarcasm in the world to
type that), Marvel decides to bestow upon us random swimsuit issues where
for whatever bullshit reason, many characters who don't often hang out together,
suddenly need to throw a beach party. For the sake of fairness,
the comic always features both male and female characters donning skimpy
swim wear. Some characters totally owned their thongs.
THIS HAPPENED. And it was all I dreamed it could be.
While some were embarrassed to the point of rage...
PRINCE NAMOR / SUBMARINER - For the uninitiated, you can think of
him as Marvel's acerbic and snooty version of Aquaman. An Aquaman who on
a regular basis doesn't leave himself enough time in the morning to get
fully dressed before rushing off to work.
Dressed for success.
If anything, we should admire
his bravery for pulling off gold bangles and a scaly g-string
after labor day. What's really surprising is that Namor was also featured
in that swimsuit issue. Naturally one would think "how much less can
this fool wear?!" Apparently this got green lit as appropriate.
Ariel, eat your heart out
He looks like he belongs in the "I just want to experiment"
wing of some king's harem. But according to this comic,
he gets all da bitches.
SILVER SURFER - Take the hottest guy on the beach and
dip him in mercury and you'd have a pretty good take on the Silver Surfer.
But for modesty's sake, he's a Ken doll down there. He may have the power
cosmic, but he's still pretty conservative. Even when (SPOILER ALERT)
he loses his "job" ringing the dinner bell as Galactus' herald and stripped
of his board, silver and powers, he's completely used to just being nude
ALL the damn time.
Laundry day is every day in Asguard
DR. MANHATTAN - Streaking Silver Surfer aside, NO ONE give's
less of a fuck about clothing than Dr. Manhattan. This melancholy
anti-hero went through gradual states of undress and then just full
blown public nudity throughout the WATCHMEN comic and movie.
Here's a timeline of pantless-ness for your amusement:
In fact, when the movie came out in 2009, of all the changes and omissions
from the original comic, Dr. Manhattans blue pipe was the one thing that
they just couldn't part with.
I'm going to be making a lot of Yaoi and fanservice related lists, video and just pics.
Have an idea of something funny or weird about yaoi that can be listed please
Let me know!
